Sky Papi? Are you there?

With all the thoughts and prayers being hopefully tossed into the Zeitgeist one has to wonder if all those requests are canceling each other out and perhaps that is why we see little results from our thoughts and prayers. For instance, if a Christian is praying to stop Muslims and a Muslim is praying to stop Christians; are they both stopped? See, I think that my prayers are being counter prayed against — Ka-ren — and that is why they aren’t working.

It can’t be Sky Papi!

know Sky Papi is there and answers every prayer, so he must be answering that bitch, Karen’s prayers against me too. In the end my faith is as unwavering as usual. Sky Papi knows better than me… soooo even though Karen’s a total ass-hat, it’s ok that Sky Papi loves her too and answers her stupid prayers. If we’re being honest, Sky Papi is probably the only one that loves her.

Digital Upgrade!

But seriously, I was thinking that perhaps our thoughts and prayers aren’t getting through to Sky Papi because he’s not joined the twenty-first century. Like, what is this mother fucker’s email? Can I even Snapchat him? Being a very hard-working believer — and needing to prove my worth to Sky Papi — I’ve upgraded his contact info! Finally! God has an email address. Obviously it won’t actually be managed by God, but rather a self-appointed representative of God.

“All Thoughts & Prayers emailed to will be responded to. #AllThoughtsAndPrayersMatter”



Contact Sky Papi with your Thoughts & Prayers today!


To Mormon or Not To Mormon?

…That is the question!

“If the Saints are called “Mormons,” then I am a “Mormon;” and I do not feel that I live any life or have any existence but that of a Saint.”

~Elder Amasa M. Lyman, Delivered in the Bowery, Great Salt Lake City, July 12, 1857

This is one of the thousands of quotes boasting of being a “Mormon”. Let’s not forget the #ImAMormon campaign that costs millions of tithe dollars. So this begs the question,

“Why the sudden rebrand (that’s not even a rebrand, but more like a bully telling the schoolyard not to call them a bully.)?”

~The Jack Mormon

Being as connected to Sky Papi and right as any prophet, here are my thoughts on the matter.

The Butt of the Joke

Tony Award-winning, The Book of Mormon Musica! lIf you haven’t seen it, I highly encourage you to. It is so so smart and yet so so silly. Absolutely brilliant use of the comedic arts. If you have seen it, you may have noticed an advertisement in your Playbill.

Here’s the one I saw:


Here are a couple new ones (Note the trope PR):


“See! We’re totally multicultural and in no way racist. Don’t worry, we already removed all those pesky racist passages in this book we’re passive-aggressively trying to shove down your throat!”

~Mormon Propaganda Machine

Every time this musical plays, the cult spends its member’s tithing on these ads. Between this and their South Park episodes, they are pulling back the curtain for the public in a big way. The cult has managed to keep a Disney-esque profile for the last few decades (since they released the ban on black men holding the priesthood).blacks_get_priesthood@2x

“The cult is attempting to move away from the term Mormon in the next few generations for a few pretty obvious reasons. Plays and jokes like these attract negative attention to their corporate organization, but I think the bigger reason is more nefarious.”

~The Jack Mormon

Stop. Obfuscate, and Follow the Profit!

All of the old literature and history and records use the term “Mormon”. If they can completely disassociate from the term in a few generations, they can more easily obfuscate that history further.

NERD ALERT: I’m about to talk about algorithms, bear with me.

As they disassociate from the tag “Mormon” in all its forms, they will not come up in searches related to these important books on their own history:

…to name a few. What is important is that if they can distance themselves from their incredibly ugly past, they can continue to grow outside of America. We, the American Public, have allowed this cult to fester to a point of guilt-tripping Kenyans into paying them 10% of their Gross Anual Income.

The Mormon cult has always been a pyramid scheme. Joseph Smith was no stranger to defrauding his neighbor.


…but if they can move away from the term “Mormon” in a few decades they can evolve again, as they have several times before when the public puts them in the spotlight.

Just as they distanced themselves from the Polygamist Mormons, they will distance themselves once more, this time from the “White American Mormon” to the more global and inclusive “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” (or better yet the boastful and delusional title of “Saint”).

It is our responsibility, as people who have pulled back the curtain, to continue to shine a light on this cult’s inhumanities, lies, and injustice. Today over a million people, living, have come out of the cult. I have hope that most of the reasonable people can be reasoned with. I was once fooled, and so were you.

In the meantime…

Keep on sinning, Sinners!